we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
