just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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