she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
