sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
