It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
