first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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