Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
