atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
