I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
