I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
