It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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