He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize