When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
