Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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