My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
