she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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