the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize