I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
