So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can I color on your dick again?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
