FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
