I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
