I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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