this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize