I'm so fucking centered right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
