So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
