I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
