Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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