You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Everclear isn't food dammit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
