You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
