i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
