How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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