Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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