i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
