69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
