after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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