I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
