I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
