Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
