Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
