he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
