Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
