Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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