Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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