dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
