Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
