I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
