I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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