This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
