If i come over, it means nothing
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
