Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
