If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize