guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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