I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
