Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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