3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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