shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
