I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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