i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
