so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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