just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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