i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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