im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
