he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
