i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
