Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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