Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're like the curious george of whores
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
