Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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