my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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