I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
