apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
